My reasons for blog yearning are three fold. 1- my creativity is my outlet. Drawing, painting, singing and apparently writing all put me in my creative happy place where my stresses are released, and all is right with the world..or at least my world..for the moment. 2- I need to be in that happy place as much as possible right now, because as a survivor of domestic abuse, who is currently going through a very new, barely started divorce, from my abusive, incarcerated, eventually ex-husband who I pretty much escaped from four months ago, I desperately need to talk about what I'm going through. Therapy is okay, but it only happens once a month and I need a more constant form of venting. And finally reason number 3- While I'm not sure anyone will even read this blog, which might at times be both lengthy and heavy, I would love to think that somewhere there might be someone who reads it that I can help. Maybe someone who is in the same abusive situation I was in, and needs just a little more strength to help them leave; or even someone who was, but currently is not in an abusive relationship, but might just want someone to relate to. Even if no one reads it, it will make me feel better, so that's a win for sure.
I definitely need this blog right now, for healing purposes. I'm hoping I will write often enough, although I'm not really sure of blog etiquette since I had one blog, once, and I wrote maybe three whole posts. In my defense though, I started that blog (delusionally named Happily Ever After) based on my giddiness about my new marriage. Ironic right? and while at that time the relationship wasn't as abusive or as terrible as it ended up, somewhere deep inside I knew it was and always had been astronomically far away from "happily ever after". And now that I look back on the whole thing, we probably never should have gotten married and I obviously should have left the first time he hit me. But excuses and love kept me around. And those two assholes also convinced me that getting married would solve things...since you know...that's always the answer to a shitty relationship (side bar...that was sarcasm, so I hope hope if your reading this, you both get and also enjoy sarcasm). I digress, I guess all that shittyness didn't give me much motivation to write (or lie) about how not shitty things were. There was a decent period of time when things, in fact, weren't shitty at all, but again, I think I knew in my gut that they wouldn't stay that way, so my life at that time was definitely not blog worthy.
This journey though, my journey, of literally starting over and finding out who I really am, amidst ending my marriage and trying to heal from everything that's happened...this needs a blog. And I need another happy place. So this blog will be just that. Now, since it's well past three and my cat just woke up to look at me with an attitude, clearly annoyed that I am typing too loud, I believe that that's my cue to finally go to sleep.
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